Author Fighters: The Four Horsemen
by AdventChild101
Summary: The Author Fighters find themselves caught up in a battle of deadly proportions as they go up agaisnt the legendary Four Horsemen. AdventChild, their newest recruit, finds himself torn between his friends and faith, as his own God may have betrayed him...
1. Premonitions Of Insurance Claims

Author Fighters: The Four Horsemen

Premonitions Of Insurance Claims 

The Author Fighters base. A fortress of justice and law. Within it's walls were the famed Author Fighters. The team that had saved the realm a multitude of times but always destined to do it again. Like now.

TlSoulDude lay in his bed tossing and turning under his smooth white quilt, his silver hair a mess. His forehead was dotted with beads of sweat. The face of the second eldest Fictor brother was one of anguish as he slept. For the dream he was experiencing was one of his famed premonitions of what is to come.

And what was to come…was filled with more death and screams than the pits of Hell.

* * *

_Flashes of horses riding through a night of complete darkness, a shadowy being clad in robes of woven threads of shadow and a cowl of flickering black flames whispering. _

" _Life is meaningless. It has no purpose. For you all end up mine." It's voice like the rustle of autumn leaves. It flicked back it's hood revealing a hollow mask. _

_Another figure appears, he is also wearing the mask of a hollow, screaming in a strained voice, the wounds of the battle are evident, his oppressor gave a shrill laugh that made the foundations of the earth shake. _

_The warrior in the hollow mask gave a battle cry before taking out a large sword, bathed in dark energy. _

"_Night..." _

"_SILENCER!" The other figure interrupted and brought down an identical blade from seemingly nowhere and slashed the warrior across the chest. _

"_X!" The voice of a figure dressed in green robes called out, before the scene faded into black.

* * *

_

_The next flash was his youngest brother, Lunatic121, his red hair matted with large amounts of blood from a large blow to his head. Another person collided with him, his long white hair hung loosely of his back, his face was half ripped off but his flesh was pulsating as new bones and muscles grew. _

"_You look like hell, Advent " Loony chuckled half-heartedly. _

"_Well you don't look much better Loon, I look great considering I just fought a swarm of flesh ripping locusts while you moped about!" the figure addressed, it could be seen he was wearing a large black cloak with strange symbols around it, wielding a three-bladed scythe.

* * *

_

_The next premonition was the same two running from what seemed a huge black cloud, only the cloud had wings and screaming for flesh. _

"_Wait!" Loony roared and from nowhere pulled a jukebox. _

"_What are you doing Loony? This is not the time to practise our Irish/cowboy dance for DM's birthday!" Advent bellowed _

"_Ah, but I've figured it out! It's time to use reverse psychology!" Loony smirked triumphantly, pressing play on the music box. _

"_Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down! Never gonna turn around and dessert you!" Rick Astleys voice boomed. The huge cloud stopped in it's tracks at the sound of the song. _

"_HOLY S**T! IT REALLY WORKS!" Advent screamed in surprise.

* * *

_

_The image faded and changed into anew. He then saw a barren dessert at night with only a few clouds dotted about. The AF's Pokemorph was standing there with a glowing red ring around his neck. He was holding two brown haired girls by the throat, the girls feebly trying to free themselves. _

"_Ross!" One sobbed, in her hand was a sword in the shape of a key, but her attacker had such a powerful hold she could barley move a muscle. _

"_Phoenix! Don't worry the clouds are parting so… Aaaaaghhh!" The other roared as her body began to grow and claws ripped through her hand. The snarl of a wolf escaped her lips as she lashed out with a howl.

* * *

_

_Another appeared, it showed the image of a creature in blood red armour, standing victoriously beneath the fallen Nukid, who looked like his entire body was broken. In his hand was the BIGGEST sword you have ever seen in your life, and skewered on the end was the body of the ex-Freelancer, Agent Liberi. _

"_HAHAHA! Nothing can break through my armour! I am the ultimate soldier! The greatest swordsman! I am the indestructible master of WAR!!"

* * *

_

_Finally, he saw the AF base at a calm star filled night. The ringing of a clock chimed twelve times signalling midnight. A star began to shine purple as it illuminated the sky. A ray of light seemed to fall from the sky; the ray grew larger as it tumbled for the sky as if the sky had forsaken it. As it fell TL realised that it was coming towards him, It grew eerily close and the air seemed to charge with an unbearable energy until it finally collided with the base leaving it, along with everyone inside, ash…

* * *

_

TL leapt from his bed into the corridor and screeched, after a few seconds he wept the sweat form his brow and fell into his pillow, it was then he noticed his clock, and the time.

11: 50...

His eyes widened, and in a burst of panic he ran out of his room and screamed as loud as he could.

"WAKE UP!!!" The door nearest him opened and a very tired looking man with brown hair, wearing purple armour slumped out of his room in annoyance.

"TL, it's ten too twelve, unless it's important go back to bed." The man said groggily.

" I just had a premonition that the base is going to be blown up in TEN MINUTES!!" TL stammered. The chief instantly looked awake.

"…EVERYONE GRAB WHAT YOU CAN AND RUN LIKE HELL!" DM roared.

Every door in the hall burst open some people already what they could and running. A door at the end of the corridor and a man with flowing white hair walked out brandishing a very large three-bladed scythe.

"Honestly Fruitcake, couldn't you think of any other way to get everyone to leave you and Hikari alone?" he yawned.

"Don't call me Fruitcake! This is an emergency! We have to evacuate- FOR GOD'S SAKE ADVENT PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!!" DM cried while covering his eyes.

The Author looked down to see he was indeed not wearing any clothes.

"Jeez, can't a man be proud of his heritage? I mean if you Dad was Scottish you would parade around in a kilt. I simply embrace what's natural" Advent proudly declared

"We don't have time to talk about Advent's advent!" TL shrieked. A red haired head burst through the ceiling, this was none other than Lunitic121.

"Hey DM should I take the canoe?…wait…" There was a brief pause while he looked around

"I didn't know you guys swung both ways!" Loony exclaimed.

"Don't worry DM, I won't tell Hikari." The Fictorian smiled.

"Bro, I'm ashamed! What would mum have thought of this?" He frowned. With that his head popped back.

"…I'll put on some clothes on" Advent whispered.

* * *

Soon everyone was evacuated and all of them were carrying their most vital possessions, most involved photos or objects close to them…so that's why Nukid and Ross were each carrying their stash of Xbox Games and questionable magazines.

They waited in the quiet, TL was anxiously looking at his watch, it read that they only had a minute to go, but everyone else wasn't taking the situation so seriously.

"Okay, what gives! Do you know how hard it is to grab over fifty weapons and sprint out a huge base in boxer shorts!" the Twilight, Ranger24, snarled.

"You had better have a good excuse for this TL" the werewolf Author, MistressofDawn, growled, not pleased about having to wait outside in the dead of night, using a bath towel to keep her warm, considering she had left her clothes inside the base.

"I swear! My premonition was true! I saw a massive beam of energy crash out of the sky and destroy the base!" TL exclaimed, eyes darting at his watch, twenty seconds to go.

"Bro, that's nonsense, there's no one powerful enough to manipulate energy such as that" the eldest Fictor, Dimensiondude, questioned.

"I'm telling the truth!" TL fumed.

"For your sake TL, there had better be some kind of explosion, other wise its my foot up your ass for kicking me out of bed!" X Prodigy, Advent's brother, warned.

"Uh…guys…" Advent gulped, looking to the heavens above.

* * *

The air was suddenly charged with a huge energy that seemed to dance along everything, sparks of unusual lighting broke through the clouds in a circle pattern, somehow circulating the sky in a vortex shape.

Everyone held their breath…

There was a burst of light, as form the centre of the bizarre came what appeared to be a large purple star, gathering through the eyes of the vortex…before being unleashed in a colossal beam of energy.

It was as Loony came running out with his canoe, that the base was coated with the light, and was incinerated into nothing but ash and dust, devastating g most of the area.

"…We do have insurance don't we?" Agent Libari asked.

"MY TV WAS IN THERE!!" Iron Mantis called out.

"There goes my entire collection of Peter Jackson films…" D-Dude snorted.

"…I waited for hours to get that limited edition copy of Metal Gear Solid 4..." Nukid, really, REALLY, wanting to kill something.

"This is really bad!" DM gulped, Hikari Ino clung to his arm.

"Where are we gonna live now?" cried Phoenix Of The Darkness.

"…How about my place." Advent suggested.

"Your place?" everyone asked in unison.

"It's quite far but we should reach it by morning, only Team Void knows about it, and there's no way in Hell Drake or the others would ever find it, its basically a fortress" Advent suggested.

There was a a pause, as all eyes fell to DM, who was contemplating the situation, before looking at the burning heap that remained of their base.

"OK." Agreed DM.

" Cool, everyone stand back…" Advent said, cutting his hand with his scythe, before making several hands seals.

"Jashin Summoning Style: Grave Dwelling Crow!" Advent roared. Slamming his hand on the ground. In a puff of smoke appeared a colossal, and partially rotten, crow, cawing out in a shrill voice that made everyone cover their ears.

"Lets go" Advent ordered, leaping onto the hide of the beast.


	2. House Rules

Author Fighters : The Four Horsemen

House Rules

"Mary mother of God, it hurts!" Howled Nukid as clutched his crotch. The rotting summon flying at such a speed for such a considerable amount of time, had started have a negative affect on the male riders of the voyage.

"Oh shut up, Nukes." spat Phoenix of the Darkness, her giant key blade swung over her back.

"All guys feel the same about this! We just flew for seven hours and now I have cramps in places that shouldn't have them!" Cried Nukid.

They were flying through a misty valley, and the bird was currently navigating through several jagged rocks, nearly as big as the base itself. It flew in a rhythmic pattern for a few more hours before flying escaping from the mist and reaching what appeared to a mountain that rivalled Everest.

The rotting summon gave a caw before landing on the ground, where it's passengers disembarked (or in Nukid's case fell on the floor and clutched his privates). Advent formed a hand seal and the crow disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Everyone stared at the mountain in disbelief, it looked so high that nearly reached into heaven itself. However, the dark realisation befell all of them.

"We have to climb that, don't we?" Warlord glumly asked.

"Not really, I can summon my ram and it will take about 20 minutes. If we walk it'll be about 20 hours." Advent answered. Stepping forward to a clear space of earth, he cut his hand, deep this time, with his scythe before making several seals and slamming his hand to the ground, painting it red with blood.

"Summoning Jutsu! Great Horn Corpse Ram!" Roared Advent.

In a puff of foul-smelling smoke, a huge, rotting ram appeared and let out a cheerful bleat. Its horns were a charcoal black, with the rest of its body was a misty grey, aside form its left and rights sides, where half the flesh was missing.

"Dude…you're summons a freaky as hell" Mantis gagged.

"Says the bug-man! Jump on guys" Advent called. Every one hopped on to the ram, well, almost everybody, Loony wa still trying to et his precious canoe safety aboard the creature.

"Yo, Advent can I get some rope or something…" Loony asked, just as the ram shot off without him, leaving him alone, facing the dusty mountain.

"…I really hate the guy"

* * *

The ram was moving so quickly the Authors didn't have time to scream, catch a breath or anything else for the matter. The creature bounded off one rock and then slammed it's body onto the next. Ross and Ranger fell off twice, and were only caught by TL's extending arm.

Upon their arrival at the summit every one was shaken to the core. Tal Ordo, with grace and dignity, stepped off the creature, walked to the edge of the summit, peered down, removed his helmet…and was violently sick.

He swear he heard a little voice form below scream out in response.

Everyone else for that matter, was just staring at the sight before them. A huge black-stone temple, laced with diamond etched stones, appeared before them. Gates made of dense and thick wood greeted them. Above it was the symbol of Jashin in a blend of black and purple colour.

"…I stand corrected, now I say; Mary mother of God!" Yelped Nukid. The huge wooden doors opened in front of them as if on cue, and everyone entered with what little belongings they had.

A huge hall shaped out of marble stood out, several staircases and doors were scatted around the edges, while a large table fit for a king and several chairs were prominently stacked up against the walls.

" My friends, welcome to the Chapel of Skorm! This place was the centre of Hidan's plot to summon Jashin into the world. Now it has a somewhat more peaceful purpose, it is my home." Advent proudly declared.

"So much for peaceful" DarkMagicianmon snorted.

"How do you clean this place?" Warlord asked.

" The Sendings do it."

"Who?"

"The Sendings are servants I created from forbidden jutsu and magic"

There was a low snort of laughter form the group as everyone steppe further into the hallway, several chandeliers and crimson red curtains draped over the ceiling and windows which gazed into the cavern below.

"Are they tiny people who clean it when we sleep?" Ranger asked with a smirk.

"Now your being silly." Advent told him, he faced the empty hall and clapped his hands three times.

"Hey guys! Come out!" The Jashinist called.

Almost instantly, several robed people phased through the walls and floor, quickly filling up the room. Their skin had no density to it, only a sparking blue light that held a humanoid shape. Their robes slightly resembled Advent's, only their hoods concealed their entire faces. And on each of their palms, a a number was carved in blood red lettering.

"…AAAAHHH!" Ranger cried in shock and quickly drew his blade and stabbed the Sending in front of him.

"…Ehhhhhhhh" The Sending whined, peering at the wound.

"Oh great job Ranger! You made Number 897 cry!" Advent shouted and then jumped to the crying robed creature, and tried comforting it.

" Oh dear. The Sending is to sad to stop now. Everyone cover your ears!" Advent screamed. Every one did as they were told in time as the cry became a wail. A wail that caused the walls to crack and explode. Number 897 pulled its fist back and let loose a huge punch into Rangers chest sending him out of the open door.

"…Okay, I don't find the Sendings funny anymore" Nukid hastily spoke.

* * *

"Come on Loony you can do it…" Loony groaned as he lifted his canoe up the mountain side. The small Fictor looked to the sky in hope that some form of miracle would pick him up and fly him to the mountain top, what he did see was a small speck gradually coming closer to him. Soon he recognised it as Ranger falling from huge heights, and that he was either going to fall near him or on… BANG!

Ranger stood up and brushed the dust off himself, he turned around and saw a flattened version of Loony.

"Thanks for shielding my fall with your body, Loon." Ranger said.

"Don't mention it" Loony groaned. Ranger then got up and ran at break-neck speed up the mountain.

* * *

"The Sendings will wait on you hand and foot. If you need anything just ask." Advent instructed them.

"Okay X you will share a room with Nukes"

"What do you mean we share a room" X demanded

"We only have a few bed rooms."

"Wait, you have a whole temple and you don't have enough room for us!"

"Actually I hollowed out the mountain. I have hundreds of rooms but not many bedrooms. The only people who sleep here are me and Team Void" Advent anncouned pointing to different doors.

"Kisame, Scar Tail and Zoidburg sleep in salt water tanks, L and Zabuza sleep in coffins, Gamma sleeps in a storage cupboard, Basilisk sleeps in his shell, only Me, Toshiro, Vincent, Byakuya, Willie, Reaver, Lireal and Spriggs have rooms. Liara has the whole left wing to herself, no one goes in there. Thor sleeps in a cloud above the mountain. And Perry sleeps on the end of my bed. So we have to share room" Advent grinned.

"Okay then, choose a bed buddy!"

"This won't go well…" X sighed.

* * *

**I wake up every evening  
With a big smile on my face  
And it never feels out of place  
And you're still probably working  
At a 9 to 5 pace  
I wonder how bad that tastes**

X and Nukes looked over their new room. It was lavishly decorated with many red silks draped over nearly every piece of furniture. In the centre of the room was a huge double bed rested .

X looked at his personal Sending, called 274...aka Marv

"Can't we change the bed? I mean me and Nukes are the two manliest men of the FAF! Why do we have to share a bed? Particularly one that looks like its from a Turkish Harem!"

Marv shrugged and shook his head.

"Fine. I get the left side"

"Why? I want that side!"

"No!"

The Hollow and the Assassin then promptly began wrestling on the top of the bed. Their screams of abuse were blocked out by the pillows , and throwing each other over each in a very unorthodox fashion.

"Hey guys, do you have a spare pillow?" Phoenix asked as she came in and saw the seen, X and Nukes hadn't noticed her yet.

"…Facebook!" she thought aloud and whipped out her camera.

* * *

**When you see my face  
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell  
When you walk my way  
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell**

Warlord and Mantis looked at each other, and each muttered dark cursed about stabbing Advent in his sleep.

They looked at the pair of coffins that were laid out in front of them, Sending 66 aka Doug made a sound that resembled a laugh and left the room.

"…So, do you want the coffin filled with blood, of the coffin with hundreds of nails inside?" Mantis asked.

* * *

**Now where's your picket fence, love?  
And where's that shiny car?  
And did it ever get you far?  
You never seemed so tense, love  
I've never seen you fall so hard  
Do you know where you are?**

**And truth be told, I miss you  
And truth be told, I'm lying  
**

Phoenix squealed in delight as she jumped on her bed, which was larger than an individual room. Dawn put her head back and sniffed in the scent of fresh lavender. Clearly they had got the crème de la crème of bedrooms.

"Oh, check out what Sending 793 installed!" Phoenix grinned, she diverted Dawn's eyes to a beam of light that crossed the entire room.

"What's it do?" Dawn asked. She got her answer almost immediately as several lights went off.

_PERVERT ALERT! PERVERT ALERT! _

Both girls turned to see DW leap from his hiding place in a frantic display of panic, then saw the girls and went a pale shade of white.

"Um…I just needed some toilet paper" he sheepishly responded.

Both girls locked the door and cracked their knuckles.

* * *

**When you see my face  
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell  
When you walk my way  
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell  
If you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well  
Then he's a fool, you're just as well  
Hope it gives you hell  
I hope it gives you hell**

"Stupid Advent!"

Loony continued to walk up the mountain whilst carrying the extremely heavy canoe. A single fly buzzed in front of him, and a thought flashed into his mind.

_Fly= Food= Happy Looney= Handsome Loony= Attractive Girlfriend= Boobs. _

Loony began to twitch, then a sick grin spread across his face.

"Get back here you boob magnet!" Screamed Loony as he leapt at the fly, only to miss and fall of a cliff.

"GAAAAAAAAAA!"

* * *

**Tomorrow you'll be thinking to yourself,  
"Where did it all go wrong?"  
But the list goes on and on (and on and on and on)  
And truth be told, I miss you  
And truth be told, I'm lying**

**When you see my face  
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell  
When you walk my way  
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell  
If you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well  
Then he's a fool, you're just as well  
Hope it gives you hell**

**Now you'll never see  
What you've done to me  
You can take back your memories  
They're no good to me  
And here's all your lies  
You can look me in the eyes  
With the sad, sad look  
That you wear so well  
**

"No"

"But-"

"No"

"But Hime-"

"No"

"Please listen-"

"No"

"It's only a fish-tank"

"I am not sleeping in a tank"

"It's either that or the broken couch"

"I take the couch, you take the tank"

"Now hold on a sec-"

"Sempai, you sleep in the tank"

"Why should I?"

"…"

"…I'll sleep in the tank"

* * *

**When you see my face  
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell  
When you walk my way  
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell  
If you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well  
Then he's a fool, you're just as well  
Hope it gives you hell**

**When you see my face  
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell  
(Hope it gives you hell)  
When you walk my way  
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell  
(Hope it gives you hell)  
When you hear this song and you sing along, well, you'll never tell  
(Well you'll never tell)  
And you're the fool, I'm just as well  
I hope it gives you hell  
(It will give you hell)  
When you hear this song I hope that it will give you hell  
(It will give you hell)  
You can sing along I hope that it puts you through hell**

Advent smiled as he sat outside, drinking a cup of herbal tea.

"I'm sure they'll fit in just fine"


	3. The LongTitled Chapter

The Long Titled Chapter

AKA Demon Revealed/ Hard-Core Hanar Porn/ Fleet and Floatilla/ Rangers Book Rape Experience/0 the Questionable Sending

Somewhere. Nowhere special. If you asked a geologist the heavily mountainous area would be rich in iron and copper. A perfect hideaway for the planets more unsavoury types. Deep within the twisted peaks lies a natural tunnel, a very interesting tunnel. This particular tunnel has been extended by human hands, within the heart of he winding passages is a throne. Not the cutesy throne of a king but throne carved from the local rock. Upon it is a hooded figure clad in black. The only flesh seen is his fingers, long and pale. The silence of the room was broken when a man came sprinting in as if the devil himself sought him out. Upon seeing the throne dweller he attempted to walk in a regal and dignified manner.

Only to overbalance and fall flat on his face.

"Really…I select adepts by finding the best of the shit pile of acolytes we have and this is what I get, some idiot who enters my quarters without even stating name and reason! So who are you and what do you want!" Spat the figure, a Scottish accent prominent.

"My lord 7" the figure responded, picking himself up

"I come bearing news, the transfusion of Famine and War is complete. Pestilence is near completion as we speak." Reported the Adept

"What of Death?" Inquired 7.

"Death is stubbornly refusing the process, we've lost ten Sendings so far" Answered the Adept.

" Anything else? Growled 7.

"Yes… Well we have news regarding the Author Fighters…my Lord" The Adept stammered.

"Ah! Perfect, how it fills me with joy! Not only did we remove them but we got to make use of the pillars excess energy!" Grinned 7/

"Well um…um… they survived…Hehe" Chuckled the Adept, even though tears were rolling down his face.

"…"

"My Lord"

"FUCK" Screamed 7 "FUCK FUCK FUCKAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

"Um…Master 7" Whimpered the Adept "We have narrowed down it down to about five places they could be…"

"The Chapel of Scorm." Interrupted 7

"A thousand pardons for my insolence…but where is that?"

"It was my birth place, prison and hell. You shall personally lead the assault on this place."

"Yes my Lord."

"But remember something Adept…for all their powers their greatest strength is cunning, Jashin go with you…but remember they are probably anticipating the attack right now…"

* * *

"Advent if I may be so bold to ask…why the hell do you have Hanar porn" The Hollow Devil growled.

All Author Fighter s were gathered in Advent's Living Room, all sat in large black leather sofas staring at a wall sized screen on which two pinkish blobs with tentacles were rolling about.

"Well it's a funny story…Vira-Lorr wants me to broaden my horizons by enjoying food, music, films and life of other species. But Zoidburg wants fish porn, so this is a happy medium." Shrugged the Jashinist.

"What are they even doing?" Nukid asked.

"Turn your head 13 degrees left." AdventChild responded.

….

"OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH" wailed the Mandalorian Merc in disgust.

"That is wrong " cried Phoenix/

"Make it stop! Please!" wept Nukid.

"Fine fine! Bunch of light weights…" Scowled Advent.

"Okay we have Chubaka's gone wild."

"No." Responded the crowd

"Asari are blue?"

"No."

"Super Mutants have feelings to?"

"No."

"How about Blasto, the first Hanar Spectre?"

"No."

"Fleet and Floatilla?"

"What's that" asked Dawn

"Some crappy Quarian/Turian romance." groaned Advent.

"Sounds better than that super mutant thing." Air shrugged.

"Jashin give me strength…." Whispered Advent as he put the DVD in.

* * *

Ranger hated Libraries. When he asked Advent if there was a place Sendings didn't follow, he was hoping it was the armoury or wine cellar. But no it was a god damn Library. And now he was lost. He was walking along minding his own business when BAM it occurred to him he was lost amongst the book shelves. Book after fucking book. He couldn't even read them because they weren't in English.

"When I get out of here I will burn this place to ground" Sighed Ranger

_**Come on little one hurry up…I'm waiting, are you so pathetic you can't get out of a library?**_

The Twilight shivered, the voice was in his head but his body quaked as he spoke.

"Who are you?" Growled Ranger

_**Tut tut, so many questions little one if you find me, I will answer if not well… You don't want to be here after dark.**_

A dizziness hit Ranger like a bus with Advent as the driver.

"Fine…Where are you? Oh, and stop calling me little one!"

_**No. Follow your gut and you will find me. By the way I would hurry.**_

"Why?"

_**Well these books live and after the sun goes down they are freed from their parchment binds, with only twenty minutes left I wouldn't be in the "Lethal Creatures" section.**_

"Shit"

* * *

MEANWHILE IN THE LIVING ROOM

"Wait! She has to choose between her own happiness or the life of every one on the Qwib-Qwib!" Exclaimed Rook

"Go for the prince! The Qwib-Qwib was a Chem smuggling ring anyway!" Cried Kitten

"But what about the children on the Qwib-Qwib!" Wailed Tal.

All eyes focused on him.

"…I mean save the Qwib-Qwib because of its guns." Muttered Tal.

Advent stared at his foot it was more interesting than this fucking "epic" film. He had to hurt Zoidburg when Team Void moved back in. No reason, just made him feel better.

* * *

MEANWHILE IN THE LIBRARY

"Fuck it." Scream Ranger taking out his shotgun as he blasted something that looked like a cross between a Leopard and Scorpion. This was replaced with numerous sheep… that breathed fire.

"Twilight Volley!" Cried Ranger as the sheep were turned into Mutton. He turned an ran as fast as he could.

He ran for a lifetime (Seventeen minutes) before he fell as he looked up he saw it a black pedestal made of pure Onyx. On it sat a leather bound tome with the Jashinist symbol on the front. Ranger reached out to grab it. Big mistake. Within seconds it had converted to a black ooze that leapt on him and forced its way down his throat.

_So this is how I'm going to die. Fuck. I wanted to go in a blaze of glory or die in a bathtub of hookers. _

_Fuck this is embarrassing. I'm going to die being molested by a book. _

_Fuck.

* * *

_

MEANWHILE IN THE… OH YOU KNOW!

As the credits rolled on the screen the room was filled with applause.

"Genius! Pure Genius! Genius!" Cried X

"So the prince WAS the engineer!" Grinned Nukid.

Advent could bear it no longer.

"EIGHT HOURS! EIGHT HOURS I'VE BEEN HOLDING IN A SHIT BUT NO! I COULDN'T GO IN THE FILM BECAUSE IT MIGHT SPOIL THE ATMOSPHERE OF THE FILM! NOW CAN I GO KNOW!" Wailed the very pissed off Jashinist.

"Fine." Groaned X.

"Well night gang."

* * *

The next thing he was aware of, Ranger was being tucked in his bed by a Sending.

"What happened…?"

"Meep."

"What?"

"Meep."

"Fuck it…" he cursed as he fell asleep.

* * *

Phoenix woke with a start. She had heard something.

A piano note echoed down the hall way. Phoenix quickly put on a dressing gown before following the sound of a piano.

Through hall ways until she came to the lowest level of the mountain. In front of her was a single door. It was ornate and coated with precious stones. She reached for the large door knob…

"WAIT!" Wailed Advent. As he ran down the hall. Phoenix turned and saw a nervous looking white haired man.

"Phoenix, please don't open that door. If you do…" Advent shuddered.

"But I heard someone playing the piano from this room." The pyjama clad Key blade Master answered.

"Yeah well, the thing is… Well how about I have the Sendings make waffles in the morning and explain it to you then?" Advent grinned hopefully.

"Look! A Christian!" screamed Phoenix pointing at the wall.

"WHERE!" Roared Advent turning around and grabbing his scythe. Phoenix opened the door. A white light filled Phoenix's mind as her pupils expanded to fill her eyes. The room was huge, covered in lush red carpets.

The walls were adorned with tapestries and portraits. In the centre of room was a grand piano, playing it was a very handsome man. His face was as white as milk with large blue eyes. He had long ebony hair that matched the shade of his suit.

"Ah visitors. And a angel no less. I must have been good to someone." he purred.

"0. Stop this now." growled Advent as he entered the room.

"Hush, not in front of the lady, come here my dear. I wish to see if your lips are as soft as they look." 0 spoke. Phoenix took a few steps towards 0, but Advent ran between the two.

"Don't you dare drain her 0!" Shouted Advent.

"Or what?"

"This!" said Advent drawing his scythe and charged at 0. 0 leapt up from the piano as a long black whip materialised in his hand.. 0 cracked the whip at Advent, in one motion Advent ducked the strike and hit 0 with the pommel of his scythe.

"Not bad, Adventius not bad." chuckled 0 as dark blood flowed from his nose.

"FUCK YOU! HOW DARE YOU CALL ME THAT!" Screamed Advent.

"That's it I'm gonna bring out the big guns!"

"And that would be?" whimsically asked 0

"A self-proclaimed older brother of that girl. Not to mention he has so many anger issues we have to spend hundreds of Dollars a month on stress-balls. Oh and he's a Hollow Devil the likes guns and wields a Demonic Sword, also when woken up he is very very very very very cranky. HEY X SOME WEIRDO WANTS TO TOUCH UP PHOENIX! VERY INAPPROPRIATELY!" Wailed Advent.

Before you could blink X was there with a trail of fire behind him. Armed with Noon and Midnight, Sparda slung over his back he whispered in a voice that would scare even the most battle hardened.

"Where is he?" He whispered. 0 and Advent stared in silent horror (Phoenix stared at 0 with a dopey grin)

"What are you looking at? Oh. You noticed." groaned X.

On his under wear was written PENGUIN LOVERS SOCIETY! In bright blue letters adorned with grinning chibi penguins.

"Harribel ripped all of mine so I had to borrow Tobi's," X sighed

"But that's not what I'm here for." X glared at 0.

"Who the hell are you" he growled.

"I am 0, the first and greatest of my kind" he bowed slightly, winking at Phoenix (who fainted on the spot).

"I am the ultimate Sending"


End file.
